There are so many things that break my heart. So often I’ve thought that maybe my heart just breaks to easily, or that I care too much. Sometimes maybe I do.
I really wish I could let our more details than I can right now, but of course, I can’t. There are certain plans in the works that I am very, very excited about. SO much good is on the horizon. And there is someone that I want to be a part of these things, but they can’t right now. I know that what’s to come would be so good for them, but there isn’t any way for them to be involved the way that I know their giftings would fit.
I had a “falling out” with this person four years ago. It wasn’t horribly ugly, but it certainly wasn’t pretty. It took a long time for me to be able to truly forgive them (and myself). I remember hearing people being worried about them. I was the never told the specifics, I didn’t need to be told them. All I know is that my heart shattered. It killed me knowing that they were hurting, and then I knew the beauty of true and complete forgiveness. I didn’t see this person for what happened between us. I saw them as a broken child of God, in need of grace, love, and guidance.
As I’ve been praying for this person these last few weeks, I realized that even though their circumstance (of which I don’t exactly know what’s going on) breaks my heart, what hurts me more is knowing that they are in the same spot spiritually as when we went our separate ways four years ago. I let God use our falling out to grow me and change me into a better person and friend. I still have a long way to go, but I am different than who I was four years ago. I prayed so hard that this person would use our circumstance to grow and change, and restore the relationships in their life. I still pray that.
It pains me to think of how many circumstances and situations we refuse to let God use to grow us in character and His likeness.