Overwhelmed. Stressed. Burdened. Tearful. Lost. Broken. Defeated. Upset. Frustrated. Stuck. Apathetic. Dull. Lifeless. Devastated. Today.
Right now, I’m everything I’m not intended to be. Life sucks. There is too much going on. I don’t even know where to start. Why bother starting? I have two weeks. Not enough time. I sit here sulking.
My brain is filled with my to-do list and worries. “How am I going to pack all this stuff?” “How am I going to afford school?” “Why am I not listed under insurance when it started July 1st?” “How am I going to finish this non-profit plan?” “When am I going to tackle my mountain of laundry?” “Why do I have to go through with this confrontation now?!?!” “When am I going to write the few letters that I desperately want to send out?” “When, Why, What, and How?!?!”
And then, amongst all the noise that my thoughts are making, I hear God say, “Be still, let me tell you where to start. Start with me. Spend time with me, and everything will fall into place.” Really, it makes sense. But my ‘common sense’ mind tells me just the opposite. To check everything off my to-do list, to just start it, and get God in somewhere during the process. But He tells me to just come, to just be, and to be refreshed so i can face this day. Unfortunately it’s almost 3pm and i’m just figuring this out now, but a lesson learned is a lesson learned.
When I took the time to spend with God, He brought encouragement right when I needed it. I found a letter that must have missed my mail pile today. It was from a man named Ralph. I do not know anyone named Ralph, and did not recognize that last name one bit. I opened it cautiously, and as I began to read, the tears fell freely.
He wrote: “You are to be very very proud of your trip to Kenya as outlined in the Valders Journal, Thursday July 1 2010. I’ve read and re-read it so many times if it wasn’t just written on paper i would have eaten it!! Those piercing eyes of the black children and your happy smile, like a crowned queen in a beauty contest, just melted my heart! So, keep smiling, and the world in all humility will keep smiling back at you. Sincerely, Ralph
Not only did this restore my soul, but it also reminded me how important it is to listen when the Spirit prompts us to do something. Whether it’s writing someone a letter, calling them, praying for them, or anything! This man listened to that prompting, and his letter found me, right when I needed it the most.
When I was working the booth for the Cup at Lifest, a women came up to me, we talked for a bit and then she wrote Psalm 34:4&5 on my hand. I read it later that night, which happened to be the same day that my world fell apart. (another blog will explain further on this one). Her obedience to give me that scripture blessed me beyond measure.
I am reminded that God is still here, regardless of what kind of day i’m having, and He really does care about how I’m feeling.
Loved. Cherished. Forgiven. Victorious. Beautiful. Remembered. Smiling. Today.
“I want you to experience the riches of your salvation: the joy of being loved constantly and perfectly. You make a practice of judging yourself based on how you look, behave, or feel….Remember that I see you clothed in My righteousness, radiant in My perfect love.”
Psalm 34:4&5 “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”