Hello to all of my faithful followers. I have chosen to retire this blog. I have so many fond memories hidden within these posts, and it does sadden me to think of no longer posting here, but the Lord has brought me to a new season of life, one that I feel needs a fresh start as far as blog themes are concerned. I have so much for vision for this new blog and I hope that you will join me “over there”.
My new blog will still be a wordpress blog, and have the same format to suscribe by email if you would like to do so.
thanks for your comments and support these last few years, and I look forward to you being alongside me for this next season of life :)
There are so many things that break my heart. So often I’ve thought that maybe my heart just breaks to easily, or that I care too much. Sometimes maybe I do.
I really wish I could let our more details than I can right now, but of course, I can’t. There are certain plans in the works that I am very, very excited about. SO much good is on the horizon. And there is someone that I want to be a part of these things, but they can’t right now. I know that what’s to come would be so good for them, but there isn’t any way for them to be involved the way that I know their giftings would fit.
I had a “falling out” with this person four years ago. It wasn’t horribly ugly, but it certainly wasn’t pretty. It took a long time for me to be able to truly forgive them (and myself). I remember hearing people being worried about them. I was the never told the specifics, I didn’t need to be told them. All I know is that my heart shattered. It killed me knowing that they were hurting, and then I knew the beauty of true and complete forgiveness. I didn’t see this person for what happened between us. I saw them as a broken child of God, in need of grace, love, and guidance.
As I’ve been praying for this person these last few weeks, I realized that even though their circumstance (of which I don’t exactly know what’s going on) breaks my heart, what hurts me more is knowing that they are in the same spot spiritually as when we went our separate ways four years ago. I let God use our falling out to grow me and change me into a better person and friend. I still have a long way to go, but I am different than who I was four years ago. I prayed so hard that this person would use our circumstance to grow and change, and restore the relationships in their life. I still pray that.
It pains me to think of how many circumstances and situations we refuse to let God use to grow us in character and His likeness.
I have entered into yet another season of waiting. I must say that I was (and sometimes still am) not so enthusiastic about this present waiting period. I find myself daily choosing to embrace and enjoy this season of waiting, to get the most out of my time here, as difficult as that may be on occasion.
I know that big things are on the horizon; I can feel it in my soul. I know that this season of waiting is so that I can spend as much time as possible in the presence of God, preparing my heart for what is next. I know that my heart needs some time to seek refuge in His arms and that simply spending time with Him will help prepare me for the tasks that are about to come.
I have been clinging to Psalm 37 as of late. So many promises and it continually reminds me of how good He is.
All I can say about this next approaching season is that it will have been a season worth waiting for.
I have very much enjoyed this season of absence (from the blog world). I have learned many lessons in this precious time, of which I will share when He prompts me to. This season of waiting has me striving to get every lesson I need to learn out of every moment. I want to make sure I write HIS Truth, not solely what I feel.
There have been many times during this season that I have been so overcome by emotion that I could not focus on who He is. It breaks my heart that I sometimes let my feelings drive my thoughts – I want to be Spirit led, not emotion driven.
This has been a season of transition – big things are on the horizon. I am excited for what is to come and I look forward to sharing it with you.
It’s good to be back :)
This morning, I rose and found myself enjoying sweet fellowship with the King of Kings before stepping a foot out of my bed. The habit of enjoying Him before my feet even touch the floor has been something I’ve been cultivating and it was so sweet to my heart to realize that I didn’t have to think about doing it this morning – it just happened.
The first week of this new year, I was very intentional and fervent in prayer. Last year, I sought the Lord and asked Him to give me His theme for me for that year. His theme was healing and restoration – and let me tell ya – we sure did some serious heart work!! This year, as I was seeking His direction, He impressed upon my heart four things:
- This was to be a year of His favor. I am to come to Him with an expectant heart for He longs to give good things. Now, I must remember to let HIM define what good things are – they could be trials, they could be tangible blessings, or blessings for my heart and soul. By coming to Him with an expectant (not entitled) heart, I have been able to really focus on Him getting His glory, and there is nothing more that my heart desires, but to enter into sweet surrender.
- Hope – something I have always strived to have. He impressed upon my heart that it is something I will posses much of and need to continue to grow in. I desire to radiate hope to those in need. Also, many times in scripture it references that HE is my hope – HIS WORD is my hope – I will be letting my heart find its’ hope in who He is and His life-giving Word.
- Joy – I will be filled with His joy – I will be a beacon of light – of joy. I will serve with UNHINDERED joy. I will let HIS joy be my STRENGTH. (this is probably my favorite of the four themes)
- Mercy – He will teach me much about having HIS heart – giving and understanding what mercy really is. I’m so excited!
My heart is Yours Jesus – forever and always.
The song that is echoing in my heart at the present moment:
Jesus, We wait for you
We wait for you
To walk into the room
The simplest of words, yet such profound meaning. The more I sing them, the more I dwell on their meaning, the more I am able to cultivate the art of waiting.
This season of life has been all about waiting upon Him.
As I sing these words, I get a vision of waiting in a doctors office. You’re already in the examing room, and the nurse has taken care of you and as she closes the door behind her, she tells you that the doctor will be with you in a few minutes.
At first you are rather calm because you know that He won’t just suddenly pop in, as she had told you there would be a wait. But as the moments grow longer, so does your nervousness. You begin to get anxious about when that door will open. You hear the footsteps in the hall and listen intently to hear if they are slowing down as they come near your door.
It’s not as if you have anything to be afraid of, but the anticipation does not subside. You are astonishly relieved when the door finally opens.
Why does my waiting upon the Lord rarely reflect this? Why, as the time grows longer as I wait for things He has promised, does my anticipation not grow in hope and excitement?
You could even use this analogy to refer to the end times – the nurse would represnt Jesus’ first coming, and we wait for the second – yet our anticipation is not as great as it ought.
I have much to learn about waiting upon Him – an art that grows more beautiful and radiant with each lesson learned.
Running. Running through the woods is my favorite thing, but tonight I did more walking and stopping than running. In part due to icy hills and the desire to not break my leg, but also because I was overwhelmed by the simplistic beauty.
The winter woods, bare, exposed, and still. The silence is comforting, a safe haven for those who are weary. Amidst the stillness I hear a bird, singing sweetly. His song reverberates throughout the empty woods. He is singing to no one in particular, and doesn’t seem to mind that no one is around to hear his song. His song beckons me to come find him. I walk slowly but surely in the direction of his wooing melody. I hear nothing else but him. I get closer, and closer; my heart is filled with longing and anticipation. His song stops, and I stop, desperately wishing for him to continue. His song ceased, and so did my search.